Thank you!

I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind comments. We weren't looking for sympathy or advice... we were just trying to be real. Before Allen posted, I seriously thought that I was the only women that had a baby that didn't want to sleep. I thought I was the only woman that found being a mom challenging. I know how silly that sounds, but I really thought that. A few days back I was reading this talk by Elder Holland on The Ministry of Angels. In the talk he spoke about mortal and Heavenly Angels. Although we weren't looking for advice, I just wanted to thank you for your comments. Each and everyone of you was a mortal angel to me. Your kind words lifted my spirits and gave me strength. There are some tough days... but there are so many more wonderful special days and moments that comes with being parents. We are just trying to figure out how it all goes. We have an amazing family and amazing friends! Thank you for showing us so much love.

Leo may not sleep through the night, but he sure can giggle. Leo truly is so glad when Daddy comes home! Last night was the first time he was really giggling. I love that in the video you can hear the whole family giggling together. I also love at the very end Allen says it is time to go to bed and Leo laughed. Is he laughing because he is laughing in our face... "yeah right I am going to go to bed!" or is he truly excited to go to bed :)

Life is tough.

I’m going to stick it to the façade.

Lately, and since Leo was born, Cameo has read several books on helping babies to sleep. This has helped somewhat, but I think it has done more harm than good. She has also commented on the superficial and optimistic nature of many people’s blog posts and Facebook profiles asking, “Are people’s lives really all nice and good and easy like they so often portray?” All of this has caused her to have often unrealistic expectations about Leo and being a full-time mom. It has been tough. Leo hasn’t learned to fall asleep on his own, wakes up twice during the night, and rarely takes naps longer than 45 minutes. Cameo also worries about me and taking care of me while trying to figure out and take care of Leo (which she does so well and I am often less grateful than I should be for her efforts).

For me, being in graduate school hasn’t been easy. Okay, graduate school itself hasn’t been incredibly hard, but it has been demanding (I am really enjoying it actually). The overall challenge is, however, balancing my life. Follow me here: At school, I hear all sorts of people saying things like “You need to make sacrifices in order to get the job you want in the future.” I could probably spend at least 12 hours at school every day (some days I actually do) in order to “get ahead” so that I can be competitive for jobs in the future. This requires me to spend less time at home and with my “Eos” (Cameo and Leo). However, my overall purpose in going to school is so that I can take care of my Eos. How does that work? I neglect Cameo and Leo in order to provide for them? And I’m even studying marriage and family! What am I then really providing for them? Should I spend more time at home to strengthen my relationships with my Eos now and consequently not do as well in school and risk not getting the ideal job in the future (which might make it so that I have to be away at home more than desired)? This is the dilemma that I have been feeling lately and it’s only weighing heavier as time goes on.

There have been times when both of us have felt neglected due to the demands on us.

I’m not writing this in order to get any sympathy or so that anyone feels bad for us but just to stick it to the façade and say that life is truly, really hard sometimes and that we make plenty of mistakes every day. Take that pretentious Facebook, sleep books, and all you too happy bloggers!

That being said, life is still sweet and we have both been drawn closer together as we look for the best ways of learning and growing and handling each situation and demand and challenge. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone that I would rather experience life with than Cameo. The Lord is still so good to me.

I love this BOY

Missing Daddy

Leo and I sent this to Allen the other day.