Allen and I have a play list of music that we call Sunday Smoothies. I have found that I enjoy listening to them a lot more than just on Sundays. I like quiet times listening to my Sunday Smoothies and thinking. This week I thought to myself, "motherhood doesn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would." I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had no idea I would stress so much. Someone last week told me that they don't want to be the mother of a teenager. I thought to myself, "I think I will be better at being a mother of a teenager than a baby." Hence I chose the career of being a junior high teacher. It may not come naturally to me, and I sure do stress a lot, but I really love it. Everything is new and I don't know what is normal and I get all worked up worrying that I am going to do something wrong, but there are days like today when Leo and I just play and play and smile and giggle and I feel grateful for this learning process.
A friend wrote this to me and it meant the world to me... "My best advice is, Heavenly Father gave His child to YOU. He has given YOU the prerogative to take care of His, and your, child. No matter what the books say, you know best. Ask Him and He will help you. And if you can't get your baby to do what you want He'll give you the patience to deal with it." I feel grateful that Heavenly Father gave this little one to me. This week I received a children's book from a friend called, "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch.
I have read to Leo a few times and every time I do I cry. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. As I read it I felt grateful for my little one. Yes it is hard, but he is my little baby and I love him so much. I also felt grateful for my mom who I will love forever!
This week a friend who desires something so righteous wrote to me. I just wanted to share a part of what I wrote...
"For me, being a mom is really hard. And I know it doesn't seem fair for me to say that since that is what you want more than anything. And it is what I want, but no one ever told me how hard it would be. It is so great and amazing, but so hard. It is hard to find the balance between husband and baby and try to find any time for myself. Leo is not a very good sleeper and I feel likeI spend most of my time trying to get him to sleep or sleep through sleep cycles and the sleep deprivation is wearing on me. But that being said, I love being a mom. I love special moments that I share with Leo. I love seeing how much he is growing. Allen and I were talking about infertility the other day I told him it was the hardest thing I have had to go through but I am really grateful for it too. I feel like I appreciate Leo more than I would have. And I feel like Allen and I had a lot of time to learn and grow together that we wouldn't have had if i got pregnant right away. I guess the point of me writing this is we have to enjoy the moment. Yes I wanted to have a baby and it hurt that I couldn't have one, but I got to spend a lot of time with Allen. And now I wish Leo slept better, but because of it I get to spend a lot of special time with him. I wish I got more sleep at night, but I get to have quiet time with him. So wish what you will, but enjoy what you are doing."
So I guess the theme of this post is Enjoy the moment... even when it is hard... This is my goal...
So right after BYU won the game and was officially in the sweet 16 I sent a message to my sister that said, "Meet me in New Oreleans, New Orleans, Meet me on Thursday!" The message was kind of a joke, but Wedenesday before the game my Brother-in-law called and said, "what if we really did go... would you want to go?" YES! So Wednesday night about 6:00 we decided to go. Unfortunately, Thursday is Allen's clinic night so he couldn't come. So Thursday morning I met my sister and and brother and their kiddos in Montgomery and we were off to New Orleans. This is a picture at half time... we are still smiling because we still have hope...
