Allen and I have a play list of music that we call Sunday Smoothies. I have found that I enjoy listening to them a lot more than just on Sundays. I like quiet times listening to my Sunday Smoothies and thinking. This week I thought to myself, "motherhood doesn't come as naturally to me as I thought it would." I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had no idea I would stress so much. Someone last week told me that they don't want to be the mother of a teenager. I thought to myself, "I think I will be better at being a mother of a teenager than a baby." Hence I chose the career of being a junior high teacher. It may not come naturally to me, and I sure do stress a lot, but I really love it. Everything is new and I don't know what is normal and I get all worked up worrying that I am going to do something wrong, but there are days like today when Leo and I just play and play and smile and giggle and I feel grateful for this learning process.
A friend wrote this to me and it meant the world to me... "My best advice is, Heavenly Father gave His child to YOU. He has given YOU the prerogative to take care of His, and your, child. No matter what the books say, you know best. Ask Him and He will help you. And if you can't get your baby to do what you want He'll give you the patience to deal with it." I feel grateful that Heavenly Father gave this little one to me. This week I received a children's book from a friend called, "Love you Forever" by Robert Munsch.
I have read to Leo a few times and every time I do I cry. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. As I read it I felt grateful for my little one. Yes it is hard, but he is my little baby and I love him so much. I also felt grateful for my mom who I will love forever!
This week a friend who desires something so righteous wrote to me. I just wanted to share a part of what I wrote...
"For me, being a mom is really hard. And I know it doesn't seem fair for me to say that since that is what you want more than anything. And it is what I want, but no one ever told me how hard it would be. It is so great and amazing, but so hard. It is hard to find the balance between husband and baby and try to find any time for myself. Leo is not a very good sleeper and I feel likeI spend most of my time trying to get him to sleep or sleep through sleep cycles and the sleep deprivation is wearing on me. But that being said, I love being a mom. I love special moments that I share with Leo. I love seeing how much he is growing. Allen and I were talking about infertility the other day I told him it was the hardest thing I have had to go through but I am really grateful for it too. I feel like I appreciate Leo more than I would have. And I feel like Allen and I had a lot of time to learn and grow together that we wouldn't have had if i got pregnant right away. I guess the point of me writing this is we have to enjoy the moment. Yes I wanted to have a baby and it hurt that I couldn't have one, but I got to spend a lot of time with Allen. And now I wish Leo slept better, but because of it I get to spend a lot of special time with him. I wish I got more sleep at night, but I get to have quiet time with him. So wish what you will, but enjoy what you are doing."
So I guess the theme of this post is Enjoy the moment... even when it is hard... This is my goal...
10 comments:
Cameo-
I have to say that you described exactly what it was like for me when I had my first baby! I thought being a mother would be easy and natural, but it was sometimes hard and stressful. I didn't know if I was doing things "right" and felt bad because I wasn't loving every minute of it (as it seemed everyone else did).
I have come to find that many women have this experience, and the good news is that it does get better. Leo will grow and things will change. It will get better.
I have to say that the second time around was easier for me than the first, and I am not nearly as stressed now expecting our third as I was with either of the boys!
Keep doing your best! Enjoy Leo as much as you can. Being tired is SO hard (I will be there soon!) but you will sleep again. :o)
"Love You Forever" is one of my Mom's favorite books. Her youngest is 26 now, and she still cries every time she reads it.
Kaylee, our oldest, was a terrible sleeper. I remember one particular night when I was up with her and I was so frustrated that she wouldn't go back to sleep, but I had the sudden thought that I would rather have a baby and be awake a good part of the night, than NOT have a baby and sleep as much as I wanted to. I still think of that night when being a Mommy is particularly challenging.
What a CUTE family picture! YES, being a mom is so hard! Our infertility,and then our miscarriage was the most difficult thing I'd ever experienced. And now, it has prepared me for motherhood-which is also the most difficult thing I've every done! I know that I'm a better mom than I would have been if I didn't deal with the challenges of getting Cameron here in the first place. It has blessed our family!!
Motherhood is SOOO hard, but it is wonderful, and worth it, and I feel that it gets easier--either because I'm getting better at it, or because my child is getting more patient with me--or just because we change and evolve and grow together!
Great words of encouragement. There is a book called No-Cry Sleep Solutions by Elizabeth Pantley (there's one for infants and another book for toddlers and on), I like her book for potty training and her book for discipline solutions. This one must be good too.
Just wanted to share that as an infant one of my children left me very sleep deprived. It was so frustrating. Somehow at some point I acknowledged to myself that I was simply not going to get enough sleep, so I quit worrying about it. It wasn't so bad after that, I guess because I wasn't fighting it. Now it's all in the long ago past and I barely remember it.
By the way, I love your blog. I read every once in awhile when my dear friend Rena tells me about something especially cute.
Hey Cameo!! I'm so glad we can keep in touch and feel a bit like neighbors still through blogs.
A few things:
I love that book, too. My grandma and mom both read it to me when I was little and now I cry when I read it to my little ones. The mothering-of-babies-years go by too fast.
Todd thinks the book is kind of creepy--the part where she goes across town and sneaks in her grown son's bed. But I still like it. :)
Another book a friend gave me that has really rejuvenates me is: The Mother in Me (http://themotherinme.com/). I cry, I laugh, I can identify with each story on such a personal level.
What's your address?
Love you, Cameo!!
P.S. Here's a baby sleep-sense lady who I turn to sometimes and have found that her advice works most of, if not all, the time.
http://www.sleepsense.net/blog/
She's great!
Cam, I just have to say that that is the prettiest picture of you that I have ever seen -- and I've always thought you are pretty.
I think your love and your faith and your gratitude shine through it.
Love,
Kate
Thanks for this post Cameo. Enjoying the moment is so hard but SO important! Things definitely do happen for a reason and we just have to be willing to look for and appreciate that reason in the moment of the trial.
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