Every dad knows that being a dad is impossible to understand until you are one. How could you since there is no other relationship or feeling like it?
To start, being a dad and therefore loving Leo as I do, does not diminish the love that I have for Cameo. In fact, loving Leo as a dad causes me to love Cameo more as his mom. Not only do we have each other, but we together have him to love and take care of. My little family, Cameo and Leo, are the greatest source of happiness that this life can and could ever provide.
Leo is now roughly 6 months old and as tough as it has been at times, I’ve absolutely loved every minute. I remember happily weeping when I first saw Leo (and for the next 30 minutes or so). I could barely squeeze out an audible, “It’s a boy” to Cameo. I remember those first few days in the hospital when I didn’t want to stop looking him. I remember conscientiously restraining myself from bragging to everyone that I was a new dad and telling them to admire my new son. I graciously ate up every compliment that he received. Now, 6 months later, I still find it hard to stop looking at him, holding him, or kissing his very chubby cheeks. I’m hoping that feeling never changes (besides the very chubby cheeks part) though it will probably turn more into it not being able to stop playing and talking with him than looking at or holding him. I’m enjoying his littleness very much but looking forward to being able to talking with him. For example, whenever I learn or feel something when I am studying the scriptures or listening at church, I immediately think to myself, “How and when can I teach this to Leo?” I have actually written him several letters for his future regarding preparing to receive the priesthood, gaining faith in Christ, and loving and respecting his mom. It goes without saying that I want the very best for him and for him to fulfill his greatest potential, whatever it may be. My next thought is always, “So, how do I do that?” I remember on my mission thinking about being a parent. I was probably remembering how my mom was so incredible. I remember thinking about what makes a good parent. Studying the simple truths of the doctrine as a missionary, I felt the answer come quickly. It was this. “Be like God. God is the perfect father. If I want to be the best dad possible, learn how God fathers me and do the same.” Of course, easier said than done but I have never forgotten that revelation. It wasn’t anything new but still life changing for me.
Being a dad to Leo has been pretty great. I think Leo can be best described currently as a very happy baby. He loves to smile and play and giggle and does all those things often. He also gets very excited when I come home from school each day. He smiles and kicks his legs and waves his arms. It is the best part of my day. Sleep has been the most challenging area for him and the hardest part of parenting so far. And even when Cameo and I (and the Lord) figure one thing out, it’s just right on to the next challenge. It reminds me of a lesson from Elder Bruce C. Hafen.
“A young piano student encountered a traumatic stage in her musical development when she began feeling discouraged about making mistakes. It frustrated her that every time she worked through her errors in a piece enough to play it well, her teacher would assign a new piece and she would begin playing wrong notes all over again. She protested in tears to her teacher that, because she kept making mistakes, it was obvious she wasn't learning to play the piano; and she saw no point in continuing to try. The teacher reassured her that nobody in all the world had ever learned to play the piano without making many, many mistakes. Then said the teacher, the students who really learn to play well are those who learn from their mistakes” (The Broken Heart, 148).
So that’s my attitude goal—learn from my many mistakes. Hopefully Leo will be patient and forgiving as I do so. I love being a dad.
