Sometimes I like Alabama... sometimes I don't

This evening or I guess yesterday evening was a hard one and I think I sometimes like to blame Alabama whenever I am having a hard time. The move here was filled with so many changes... sudden changes... that sometimes I just want to cry and a lot of times I do. Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night (as I often do since being pregnant), but this time I couldn't fall back to sleep. I laid in bed thinking and praying and I just don't think I am going to be able to fall back asleep until I write down some of my thoughts.

There are a lot of differences and changes in moving to a new place, but I think the biggest difference is I feel lonely here. Allen is gone the majority of the day and I am often here by myself. I lived in Utah for 8 years and built a lot of relationships. I think I forget that it was hard at the beginning. I just remember what it was like at the end. Good ward... good friends... good job....

We were happy to move into a family ward, but sometimes I miss my young student ward. We lived so close together. You could always go out and visit someone. There was a comradely where everyone looked out for everyone. We made some amazing lifelong friends in that ward... the Lasts, the Nelsons, the Freestones, the Nichols, the Lewis'... Here I feel like the new girl in town (oh wait... I am :). I get serious social anxiety being with people I don't know very well. I feel like everyone has clicks and I am just outside looking in. I guess I just thought that I would have the same kind of relationships I had in Utah but I forgot that even those take time.

I think the biggest change in moving to Alabama is I am not teaching. I miss teaching so much. It became a huge part of who I am. My dad told me that I should have taught Elementary school because those kids are nice. Well sometimes junior high kids have their mean moments, but most of them are so cute and nice. I miss having them come in and say hi in the morning. I miss their updates on crushes and sports and activities. I miss seeing them come into my classroom. I miss having them make me laugh and cry (in a good way... although there were plenty of times I cried in the bad way too.) I miss teaching them and seeing them succeed. I miss seeing them proud of themselves when they did their best.

I miss teaching with these two ladies. Allison's husband used to say, "how can your job be hard... you get to teach with your best friends everyday?" It is true. They made teaching better. We talked, we chatted, we planned, we moaned, we rejoiced together. Besides Allen, these two lovely ladies knew me better than anyone else the last few years. I miss those close relationships. Luckily they sent me their school pictures so they are on my fridge and both Allen and I get to think about them every time we get something from the fridge.

I miss deb and Kath, and Camille. Below was my OJHS family. They watched out for me... we watched out for each other. Kathe was our little mother that checked in on me and made sure I was okay and was willing to do whatever if I wasn't. It is nice to have such good friends.

I miss Katie. She moved to back to Utah a couple of months before I left. It was so nice to have a best friend living so close. We understand each other. We help each other. We encourage each other to be better. It is just wonderful to have a friend that is like family.

Well... enough of the pity party. As I laid in bed... This is what I really wanted to share. I thought of some talks I have been reading: "Finding Joy in the Journey" by president Monson that you can find here and "None were with him" by Elder Holland that you can find here. These are beautiful talks that give me hope and encouragement. I know that no matter what I am never alone. I love the song "You're not alone." Yes it is cheesy, but so true. The Savior walked the loneliest road so I don't have to. He is with me always and that is what is important. And although moving here has been filled with so many changes, I can still find joy in the journey. President Monson quotes professor Harold Hill from the Music Man, “You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.” I need to stop wallowing in self pity and enjoy what I have going here. We truly are blessed being here... I just forget when I have a bad day. As I was awake, I thought of the movie Pollyanna and the glad game. I thought I better play the glad game here... Count my Blessings...

• Sabey Baby is coming so soon. I am just about 35 weeks. I don't know if I am ready, but I am so excited. We have waited a long time to be blessed with a little one. And I get to be a teacher and fulfill the most important calling I will ever have.
• Strengthening our marriage... I think moving away and going through changes and challenges has helped us grow closer together. I have Allen... and when I think about that I never feel lonely.
• I am glad I get to tutor which means I still get to teach and stay at home with our Sabey Baby.
• See the post below... I live 5 hours away from my sister Julee.
• When I taught I was often preoccupied in the evening. Now Allen is really good at getting most of his work done during the day and I am not busy in the evenings, so we actually spend more quality time together than we did in Utah.
• We have a great ward with a lot of young families.
• I get the opportunity to be stretched and get past my social anxiety as I get to know others.
• The last month has been really difficult pregnancy wise... so it is a blessing that I haven't been working so I can rest when I need it.
• I am developing talents that I never had time to do before
• When I taught I always had the struggle of being a good teacher and being a good wife. It was hard to find a balance. But now I feel good doing what I know is most important.
• Missionary work! There are opportunities to share the gospel. We have a friend that has been going to an institute class that we attend and we have had some amazing gospel discussions.
• Football... although I love BYU, it is nice to cheer for a ranked team when BYU is not doing so well.
• Allen loves his program and that is why we are here.
• Spiritual growth... it is good to be stretched and challenged and grow through the help of our Savior.
• Keeping the friends I have and making new ones.
• Visitors.... Julee came, my parents are coming, Allen's mom is coming, Katie is planning a trip out here... all within the next 6 months
• Things that seem like a big deal at the time, make me laugh later... like the fact that I sobbed and made a fool of myself in front of a cop today. It wasn't funny at the time, but it sure makes me laugh now.
• Blue Bell Ice Cream!
• The Gospel... No matter what happens, I have the gospel in my life. I understand where I came from, why I am here, and where I want to go. I know I have been sealed in the temple to my family and that we can be together forever in the presence of our Heavenly Father. No matter the earthly challenges, I need to keep the eternal perspective.

WOW... If you have read this, you are probably a little bored. I am sorry this is so long and serious. It was mostly for me. Hopefully I can go back to sleep now. If you did read this... you can play the glad game too... What are you glad about?